Wednesday, October 20, 2010
The Time I Got A Concussion
The field was bright green and long. It was intense I was on my game and it was the last play of the game. Then the quater back said hike and I knew he was going to throw it deep in the air. The ball was in the air like a airplane. But then when it came down wham!!!!!!! It felt like I took a sledgehammer to the head. I felt like I wasnt going to get up but the six grade science teacher and the eight grade principle came out. Once they helped me up they took me to the main office and we waited for my mom to come and pick me up. My mom took me to Depaul Hospital and we waited for about a hour. The the nurse took into a room that felt like I was being made into a icesicle thats how cold it was. They told me that I was going to have to get a cat-scan that is what yoiu get if you have a head injury. It took a while for them to get it started but they finally got it started after five minutes. The nurse put a big blanket on top of me. The cat-scan took about ten minutes. Then the nurse took me back to the room and she said that they would bring the results in as soon as possible one hour later the nurse said that I had a mild concussion. And I had to stay out of contact sports for five days. So thats it thats the end of my story I hope you enjoyed it.
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Wow! This is so much better. I am impressed with you use of figurative language. I especially like the intro and your description of the room temperature. How did your mom handle everything? Was she worried? What about the teacher and principal that helped you, what was their reaction? How did the other players react? You did a great job bringing us into your mind, now can you describe what was going on around you as you experienced this? What did you observe? I'm sure you were a bit stunned and scared. Did anyone's reaction make you worry? Had you had a cat scan before? What was that like?
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